I'm sick of overpriced London clubs that charge you £400 just to sit at a table with po-faced individuals whose sole aim in life it appears, is to out spend other po-faced individuals whilst simultaneously competing to look the most bored.
Certainly there seems to be something about inner city London clubs that require their customers to be somewhat self-absorbed. Where is the fun in tottering around in this season's hot designer dress, spending the entire night pouting and checking out the competition?
Seriously though, who can say they've had a great night when you step out of the club looking as perfect as when you first walked in? Of course I am not suggesting that you all rock home looking like an extra for those, Alcohol Know Your Limits adverts but come on. A bit of sweat and smudged mascara never hurt anyone. Jimmy Choo's and bag full of makeup however, cause back pain.
On The Rocks, described fantastically as a 'scuffed up diamond found via a doorway on Kingsland road.' Is a perfect opposite of the Movida's and Chinawhite's of London city.
The old Shoreditch crowd are reported to be steadily moving further into Dalston and Bethnal Green in search of grimier and cooler venues to throw shapes in and it seems On The Rocks has captured many migrating revellers.
Disappearing down uneven stairs into what is best described as a sparsely decorated room with a stage-and that's it. The unpretentiousness of the venue is its strength. What On The Rocks lack's in sparkle though, the customers certainly make up for.
American Apparel catsuits and sequined hotpants galore, the crowd is a pretty mix of twenty something eccentrics enjoying the shiny disco ball. Air conditioning seems to be a rare commodity that can only be found if stood under a small grate in the centre of the dance floor but that doesn't stop everyone dancing.
The beats are provided by various resident DJs including Hannah Holland, Kitsune, Zombie Disco Squad and the favourite floor packers Were Not Cool.
Friday nights are heralded as a 'sleazy rave box that pounds out electric booty shake' and on Saturday you will find anything from reggae to funk ska and soul.
Most people would rather gyrate on the dance floor than get caught up at the bar but when they do, tins of Red Stripe and spirit mixers seem to be the most popular drinks of choice.
Anyone looking for an alternative London night out where they can really let go of their hair and shake loose inhibitions should visit On The Rocks. In the words of one reveller, 'pop along under the pink neon sign but go with old shoes and an open mind.'
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